The Good, The Bad, and The Bloggy

Greetings and salutations, people of the interweb. For this somewhat-overdue blog update, I wanted to sound off on some good and bad mojo. Not a whole lot more to it than that, so here goes:

GOOD
After missing their gross perversion for several months, I'm very excited that I get to see TOKYO GORE POLICE director Yoshihiro Nishimura and MACHINE GIRL director Noboru Iguchi again at FantasticFest. I've been obsessed with the various ROBOGEISHA trailers that keep popping up online, and the moment I see these dudes, I'm pouring the soju and photographing Nishimura licking (or staring pensively) at my FRANKENSTEIN GIRL tattoo.

Big thanks go out to my great friend Marc, without whom I never would have sat around naked in a sauna with Iguchi or swapped clothes with Nishimura and friends in the middle of a restaurant. Any person who genuinely enjoys my company and can offer me those kind of memories is a keeper.

BAD
Although I'm headed down to FantasticFest, I'm unfortunately missing the US premiere of Iguchi's ROBOGEISHA by a scant few hours. Sure, the real reason I'm going down there is to network and party, but man, I really wanted to see that flick with an audience.

Haven't seen the trailer yet? Prepare to have your face melted.

(And that's Nishimura getting skewered 19 seconds in)

GOOD
My old pals in Germany, Andreas Schnaas and Timo Rose, decided to team up and make a movie together earlier this year. The resulting film, UNRATED, apparently pleased the both of them and now they've banded together to make another. The trailer for the movie popped up on YouTube a few days ago and I can't stop watching it.

Titled KARL THE BUTCHER VS AXE (and apparently a sequel to his VIOLENT SHIT trilogy), this is the kind of lowbrow micro-budgeted "filmmaking" that Schnaas truly excels at. While I wrote three of his largest films, I'm really eager to see him go back to his roots. This trailer has gallons of gore, fake macho-man muscles, a tank, and more roundhouse kicks than I can count. I honestly don't think I could ask for anything more, and - as a fan and colleague - I genuinely can't wait to see it.


BAD
I know its already old news, but man, Kanye West really IS a jackass. I don't know the guy or his music, but I want to slap that haircut he got at an Ancient Mayan barbershop off his self-righteous head and give Taylor Swift a big kiss.

Its also too bad that Obama will probably have to apologize for agreeing with me. He probably calls Bush a dildo every night, but just because some amazingly unprofessional journalist releases his off-the-record (and very true) statement to the media, he's gonna be forced the back-pedal.

Personally, I hope Bam holds a press conference to publicly reiterate what a self-righteous child Kanye is, and to express his opinion that the last scene in THE FINAL DESTINATION was "some weak-ass bullshit."

GOOD
I had a great nine days with my family, reconnecting with old friends, and otherwise enjoying the holy living Hell out of Montana. The weather was absolutely perfect the entire time, I had the opportunity to show my friends SWEATSHOP on the big screen, and was reminded that there are still some places on Earth where you can get a $6.00 pitcher of beer.

I can't even begin to express how much better I feel, physically and emotionally, when I'm there. It feels like a world away, but knowing that I'll get to permanently settle there within the next few years keeps me going.

The waterfall was very happy something as epic as it finally came along.

BAD
I still can't find the time to get working on a new creative project. It eats me up, as there are so many great ideas that I'm dying to get down on the page, but the two or three hours a night that I have available after the subway, gym, and dinner just aren't enough to get the creative juices flowing properly.

How I would rejoice if I had a free day every week, just to write.

GOOD
But on the flipside of that coin, several of my current and past projects are looking very good. SWEATSHOP is done (and just scored a near-masturbatory review over at Fatally Yours) and we'll be shipping it out to potential distributors within the next three or four weeks.

Also, JIKININKI, the wonderful little script that wouldn't die, is being shopped around Japan (where the story is set), and I'm literally beside myself over the idea of having it made by an amazingly talented cast and crew over there. Fingers tightly crossed.

BAD
Ya know what else has been getting my goat lately? The way people have been fawning all over dead celebrities. Sure, Harlem (where I spend 40 hours a week) went insane when Michael Jackson died, but everyone I know up here said the same thing: Where the Hell were all these people when The King of Pop was drowning the pain of being branded a freakish child molester with sleeping pills?

And now, a totally different crowd is mourning the loss of Patrick Swayze - a very good actor who became so forgettable in the past decade that I challenge you to name any film he's appeared in since 1999 that wasn't DONNIE DARKO.

I like a few songs by MJ, and I love a handful of Jackson Five tracks, but I didn't go buy a "Best Of" album or poorly silkscreened t-shirt when he died. We popped in RED DAWN the other night to enjoy some vintage Swayze (who, I admit, was a fine actor), but I didn't feel the need to follow it up with FATHER HOOD and TO WONG FOO.

Both were great performers, but I can't comprehend the concept of obsessively latching onto a person once they're dead. Enjoy them while they're here. Send 'em a fan letter, fer christssake.

If I find out NIKOS THE IMPALER becomes a huge hit when I'm six feet under, I'm haunting each and every one of you bastards who didn't buy it while I was alive, thereby affording me the money to cure whatever heart ailment eventually killed me.

GOOD
Speaking of NIKOS, my good buddy Joe Zaso is currently in LA, playing the lead in a new horror currently titled H1N1 VIRUS (Man, they'd better change that title). He's acting opposite Priscilla Barnes. He is awesome, and I'm just completely stoked he landed the role.

This is the only photo ever taken of Zaso with a shirt on. Ever.

GOOD
And finally, why not end with another "good?" The other night, as we were going to bed, I told my wife that every single time she speaks, I learn something new. I've been thinking about that statement for a few days, and I still can't quite describe how proud it makes me to be with someone who can always do that for me.

So, thank you for being the greatest part of my pretty awesome life, Bev. You make all the bad seem a little better, and I can't think of anyone I'm more in-tune with. I've got plenty of good things going for me, but you're the best.

From forth the fatal loins of these two foes,
a pair of land shark'd lovers, take their life.

EL SUPERBEASTO, HILLS RUN RED, and random ranting...

Hey all.

So, I caught a private screening of Rob Zombie's "new" film THE HAUNTED WORLD OF EL SUPERBEASTO this weekend. Being a huge fan of animation (and naughty cartoons), I was immensely excited to see what someone as warped and wild as Zombie could do with an animated film and virtually no studio interference.

The result, sadly, is one of the worst animated films I've ever seen (and I've seen a LOT). I'll be totally honest. I actually turned the film off after 20 minutes, as I physically couldn't take it any more. Its THAT bad. Its a conglomeration of everything that I thought was "totally sweet" when I was eight years old, yet is so completely unable to find its focus that I don't even know if it would have appealed to me back then. I went into it, ready for the exploits of a masked wrestler who fights crime, and got a masked wrestler who "loves boobies", makes porno films, and occasionally beats people up. I adored the illustrations I'd seen of Dr. Satan - a zoot suit-wearing red devil bent on world domination - until he and his wacky gorilla pal reveal that in order to take over the world, he has to marry and then plow with a girl sporting a 666 tramp stamp birthmark.

Oh yes, and the robot from THE PHANTOM CREEPS now has a super-powered penis.

EL SUPERBEASTO features so many bare cartoon breasts that everyone I was watching it with agreed that the film actually somehow makes boobs boring. Women shake them until they elongate like tentacles, they slap guys around with them, and even inflate and bounce around on them. After a few scenes, I got the impression that Mr. Zombie legitimately has no idea how female anatomy operates - even in a cartoon setting.

The plot (or what I saw of it) feels more like a bunch of FAMILY GUY skits than a film. I'm assuming they all come together at some point, but suffering through another 60 minutes of painfuly unfunny gags just isn't worth it. And to top it off, the animation is really weak, to boot. It looks like early 80s Saturday morning cartoon fare mixed with shoddy flash versions of art pretending to be that of an undoubtedly-pissed off John Kricfalusi. While the Jetsons-like backgrounds are occasionally fun, they tend to overshadowed by everything falling apart in the foreground.

I expected something a bit closer to a comedic DEVIL'S REJECTS - an absolutely brilliant project that Zombie was allowed to create without too much studio interference. I know EL SUPERBEASTO is a cartoon, but I still wanted a fun plot and engrossing characters - not a jive-talking kitten who is all about the poontang.

And for the love of Dr. Satan, where is the excessive exploitation of animation I was expecting? The film continually takes you up the hill, but never to the edge 'o the cliff - and certainly never over it. I grew up with FRITZ THE CAT, SHAME OF THE JUNGLE, COONSKIN, and THE LEGEND OF THE OVERFIEND. I know what filth cartoons are capable of. Thrill me.

As one friend and critic put it, "Its trying so hard to be edgy, but just isn't doing it. Its like a 'worst of COOL WORLD' montage." Where's the full nudity (we only get boobs and butts) and ultra gore? Does it show up later? If anyone else has sat through it, please tell me it does. I won't revisit the flick, but I'd just like to know if there's ANY payoff.

All-in-all, it was a MASSIVE (and very sad) letdown. I wanted nothing more than to love the Hell out of this film. I really, genuinely like Rob Zombie as a person, and he's in my top five people I'd love to sit down and have a beer with. He has a truly unabashed love for horror films... I just wish he'd quit un-learning how to make movies. He seems like such an absolutely amazing person. Like Uwe Boll (seriously), I'm constantly rooting for him.

On the flipside of that coin, I also caught Dave Parker's THE HILLS RUN RED, which is an immensely entertaining ode to 70s and 80s horror from Dark Castle's new direct-to-DVD branch. While some might complain it suffers from some BLAIR WITCH 2 storytelling techniques, I liked BLAIR WITCH 2, so you can eat it.

Also, the gore feels like it could have been amped up a touch more, as the majority of gaping wounds end up far less gaping than I prefer... but the hills still run mighty red throughout. As long as I've got a few arterial sprays, I can't complain too much.

Honestly, what makes the film so wonderful is the absolutely stunning villain, Babyface. I was literally transfixed on him every time he stepped on screen. He has substantially more potential than any recent screen baddie to become truly iconic, based on looks alone. I can't gush enough over the complexity of his design, and (SLIGHT SPOILER) when he finally speaks, his singular, emotionless line had the entire room in stitches. Its fantastic.

While Warner is marketing HILLS as a slasher, its actually much more - and anyone who is looking for a groovy pastiche of early modern horror should have a hell of a time with it. I highly recommend picking it up. Plus, Dave's just an awesome guy. Much like Rob Zombie, I'm always rooting for him... and I was very happy to see that he delivered.

Now if someone would just get off of their lazy ass and finance Ralph Bakshi's THE LAST DAYS OF CONEY ISLAND, maybe I could get another quality grown-up cartoon.

Maybe.

First blog in the new home...

Well, the big move has occurred. I've finally decided to leave the once-golden land of MySpace behind and start blogging where so many other luminaries now do... this place.

I realize that writing here will keep a great many of you from commenting if you don't have an account. This is a threat that I will probably lose sleep over for some time... but I've sadly grown quite tired of MySpace and its dirt mall-like aura. Thankfully, since the only person still shopping there is Adam Barnick, I'll just have to make sure he has the forwarding address to my new ramblings.

So, what's happened in the time between MySpace and here? Truthfully, not too terribly much. I'm keeping quite busy on film projects and I'm trying my best to enjoy life to its fullest. I sometimes stumble (on both counts), but I've gotta say, I'm pretty happy with where I am as I write these words.

The ever-gestating, amazing Sweatshop is finally preparing to ship out to critics. Discs go in the mail September 2nd, at which time I will hold my breath, cross my fingers, and hope that my online brothers and sisters love the film as much as I do. Not long after that, we'll be talking to a variety of potential distributors about giving this film the most love (and the widest release) we possibly can. I have a feeling it will do really well for us. [Director] Stacy Davidson has really come through, and the end result is a movie that I truly, deeply cherish.

Recently, Bev and I celebrated my 30th birthday in Houston, Texas, on the set of Imago - a new sci-fi/horror feature that I'm producing in association with Mel House's Upstart Filmworks. Its a very promising flick, and I got a really good vibe while I was on-set. I understand that they're now in post, and that we might see a trailer and poster show up before too long. And that, frankly, would rock.

John Torrani (ABK) and I promoted Sweatshop at MonsterMania last weekend, which was actually a lot of fun. I sometimes grow weary of wandering around, shilling my wares at these shows, but there was a mellow atmosphere (possibly brought about by 16 pints of Budweiser) that somehow managed to chill me out. Add good friends, beautiful women, and horror celebs into that boozy mix and I'm pretty much sold.

And to top it off, I also got to meet personal faves Miguel Nunez Jr. (of Friday 5 and Return of the Living Dead) and Michael Biehn at the show.

What Biehn was doing at a horror convention I may never know, but The Curious Case of Miguel Nunez Jr is an interesting anomaly. Without any noticeable surgery or botox, he now looks substantially younger than he did 25 years ago. Whatever he's taking, I want a double dose. I feel like I should cast the dude in a film before he turns into a fetus.

In other news, I hired the amazing Ben Newman to design a new tattoo for me, which I'll be getting in the not-too-distant future. I've put a lot of thought into it and although quite different than the other stuff I've got, I'm really looking forward to it. I also love the idea of getting something completely original - and Newman's art is some of my absolute favorite. One look at his blog and you'll hopefully agree.

Then, once I'm properly inked up, Bev and I are headed back to our beloved Missoula, Montana for a week and a half of R&R. I'm actually going to turn the cell phone off, stay offline, and try some of this face-to-face communication I keep hearing so much about on TV. I hope the folks at Twitter don't think I'm dead.

So, there it is, folks. The first bloggin' in my new home. Please
subscribe to my new ramblings(however one does that here),
and I'll try my best to keep it updated with various professional
and personal happenings.

And if you've got the time, leave me a comment here or on Facebook. Its always good to hear from you guys and gals.

Sláinte!

New projects... and then some.

Lately, I've been keeping mighty busy with SWEATSHOP - but with director Stacy Davidson putting the finishing touches on it and the two of us excitedly shipping it off to various film festivals, I've decided its time to start looking toward future projects.

Right now, I have several on the drawing board: my long-gestating Japanese demon film, JIKININKI; an apocalyptic dream project with Stacy Davidson; and two mutated animal-run-amok scripts that I'm praying I'll be able to talk to the Sci-Fi Channel about eventually producing.

Only one project is a certainly, though - my latest producing gig on Chris Warren's innovative, psychedelic nightmare pic, IMAGO.

IMAGO is a very different film for me, as it doesn't contain the genre conventions that I have previously surrounded myself with. It doesn't have a masked slasher, no one is trapped in the woods or a factory, and there are less than 20 or 30 deaths. Its one part psychological mindgame and two parts squishy Cronenbergian nightmare, mixed with a health dose of eerie mythology and some mighty fine goo-slinging.

I figured that now would be as good a time as any to stretch out - and this looked like the perfect project to do it with.

On the off-chance I say too much and the film's co-writer/producer Mel House (WALKING DISTANCE) kicks my lily white ass into next week, I'll dispense with further plot details. I can say, however, that it stars - among others - Natali Jones (WALKING DISTANCE), Lisa Wilcox (A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 4 and 5), Parrish Randall (THE QUICK AND THE UNDEAD), and SWEATSHOP's Melanie Donihoo and Danielle Jones. The prosthetic effects will be handled by the always -amazing Marcus Koch under his Oddtopsy Effects banner.

Principal photography begins August 1st.

I'm extremely excited to be a part of another Texas-based feature, and I'll be updating you with additional details on IMAGO as soon as I know more. In the meantime, wish us luck - and become a fan of IMAGO on Facebook by clicking HERE.

Expect more soon. I never get tired.

Henriksen, Conventions, SWEATSHOP, etc...

I did Fangoria's Weekend of Horrors in Chicago a few weeks back, which was a ton of fun. Met a ton of great people, saw a bunch of old friends, and somehow managed not to drink myself into a coma. The following week, I hit up MonsterMania in Cherry Hill, New Jersey, which is quickly becoming one of my favorite cons. Good folks putting it on, actual perks if you're an industry person, and no shortage of fun after-hours events.

If that doesn't sell you on it, perhaps hanging out with Lance Henriksen will.


I'm going to be doing Texas Frightmare at the beginning of May, so if you're one of my Dallas/Houston pals, I really hope that I get to see you there.

And speaking of Texas, Sweatshop is all but done. Yep. All of the hard work has finally paid off, and I'm quite pleased to say that its easily the best film I've ever had the pleasure of having my name on. Its goofy, gory, and really fun. At the first pseudo-screening I held for a number of journalists and one raver-loving star of Rob Zombie's Halloween, the reaction was universally positive. To quote Icons of Fright's Robg (which I plan on doing a lot), its "beautifully stylized, filled with over-the-top quotable dialogue and some of the best, goriest kills I've seen in years, SWEATSHOP is depraved in all the right ways!"

Between that glowing review and making the cover of this month's SCARS, I demand a "Hell yes."


Hell. Yes.

I'm hoping to premiere it at a prestigious film festival this Summer (get your passports ready), but regardless of where it has its first screening, I will always hold this film very near and dear to my heart. It is the first time that my vision has accurately made it from page-to-screen, and I can't thank everyone who worked on it enough. You guys are family.

In other news, I've decided to shop my novel around again, which has been quite the undertaking. I feel as though its ready for the masses, and I hope someone finally bites. And in a similar vein, I've decided to dust off Jikininki, one of my favorite un-produced scripts, and see if I can find a home for it. Although I'm in a creative slump, I can't ignore the cool stuff I've made in the past... Maybe if I can get some of it off the ground, it might get me motivated again.

And finally, for anyone who is still reading, the reason I've been so down is a combination of a lot of things. I need to be happier, I want to see a project gain some recognition, my chest still hurts, I'm REALLY bad at my day job, and I miss my life from five years ago.

Please feel free to contact me if you can speed up the harvest or teleport me off this rock.

So, yeah, that's life in a nutshell. Feel free to comment on, complain about, or rejoice over my return.

The ball's in your court.